The Power of Words: Why It Matters How We Talk About Our Kids in Front of Them

Ever noticed how little ones pick up on everything? Just because they’re not talking yet doesn’t mean they’re not taking it all in. Babies and toddlers are like sponges, soaking up our words, tone, and even our emotions. They understand us long before they utter their first word, which is why we’ve got to be mindful of what we say about them when they’re around.

Speaking Problems Into Existence

It’s totally normal to feel frustrated sometimes – parenting isn’t easy! But when we say things like “He never listens” or “She’s so naughty” in front of our kids, they start to believe it about themselves. Little ones don’t have a strong sense of identity yet, so they rely on us to tell them who they are. If they constantly hear negative things, they’ll start to live up to them.

Focusing on the Good

Instead of always pointing out what they’re doing wrong, let’s highlight the good stuff. If your child puts away a toy, even just one, try saying to your partner, “Wow! Look how nicely he tidied up! That was so helpful!”

Kids love positive reinforcement. They want to feel noticed, valued, and encouraged. When we focus on what they’re doing well, they’ll want to do more of it. It’s a simple shift, but it makes a huge difference.

Words Shape Identity

Young children are still figuring out who they are, and our words help shape that. If we want them to be kind, let’s tell them they’re kind. If we want them to be responsible, let’s praise them when they are. If we want them to be patient, let’s acknowledge the moments when they manage to wait their turn.

That doesn’t mean we ignore bad behaviour, but we can reframe how we talk about it. Instead of saying “You’re naughty,” we can say “That wasn’t a kind thing to do.” One is a label, the other leaves room for change.

Creating Positive Conversations

The way we talk about our children in front of them shapes how they see themselves. So instead of discussing the negatives when they’re around, let’s be intentional about using words that build them up.

Next time your child does something great, talk about it. Let them hear you praise their effort. Because when we tell children who they are, they believe us.

Of course, we all need a good rant now and then—parenting can be tough! But let’s save those venting sessions for our partner, friends, or even our own mum, when our little ones aren’t around to absorb it.